i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
