I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
