I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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