Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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