Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
