Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
