So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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