At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we're making bets on your personal life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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