This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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