Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
