we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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