Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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