Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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