genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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