you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
