so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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