yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God, I missed his penis.
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