Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
