she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
