please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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