we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
