why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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