I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
