mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
