just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
