It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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