dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
