wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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