You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
