so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
