why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
