Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
