Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
