Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
