Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
