Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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