she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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