tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am one with the molecules
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
