I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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