the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
