my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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