He uses pillows to masturbate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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