So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
