Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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