If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
