oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
