Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
