Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want nice things and good sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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