24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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