**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
