some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
