If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're so committed to being not committed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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