Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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