Don't make out with my wife yet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
