this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
