Fuck appropriateness.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
