Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
