Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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