I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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